February 5 Day 1

You will most likely see two entries today.
Ryan this entry is for you. Mommy has decided that once we are done with transplant, this blog will be printed off and binded for you so that when you are older you can she what a brave boy you really are.
It is 4 am and I am awake because once again your feet are itchy, I now ask myself if they are really itchy or if you are like me and just like them tickled...as you keep telling me to tickle not scratch ( and when I stop for a minute you don't seem to complain that they are itchy.)
For some reason I am now wide awake and am watching you sleep peacefully and can not help but cry, we are 1 day away from your transplant. I guess it is hitting me that this it, we need this to work, we need your body to except Ally's bone marrow and for your body to get rid of any reminance of your cells. Ryan you can do this, I know you can.
Ryan you are amazing, brave and have not complained once through this entire journey, a journey that you will probably not remember but one Daddy and I will never forget. The day we found out you had Luekemia was the worst day in our lives, a day that changed our lives forever. (2 days before we actually knew, we took you to the Dr as you had a bruise and purple dots all over you arm, once I got you to Dr. Walk he said you looked very pale and that your liver and spleen were enlarged. I knew in my heart something was terribly wrong, so I went home and researched and found luekemia. I called you daddy and told him my thoughts. Your daddy said to me, "I do not have a good feeling about this, Suzie". Dr. Walk had asked us to come back the next day to do some blood tests, I told him I wanted the results before Monday and he said he would call on Saturday...I put my faith in the system and waited. He called as promised at 2:15 pm just after I had put you down for a nap and told me I would not be wrong to take you to the hospital so off we went...that night it was confirmed, we just had to wait to find out what form of Luekemia you had. We went from praying that is was not Luekemia to hoping for the best form of Luekemia, 8 days later we found out that you have the rarest form of Luekemia (unfortunatley one whose only cure is a complete bone marrow transplant) and a 3o% chance of a family match.
So Daddy , Mommy and Alexandria had our blood tested to see if any of us match you in order to donate our bone marrow. Finally on December 19th, 2008 we were given our christmas miracle your baby sister a complete 6/6 HLA match, you could not ask for better. Ally is your little ANGEL, a gift from god that is going to save you. Daddy and I have HOPE and continue to believe that you are going to do great things in life and you are going bounce back from this bump in the road and continue on to do wonderful things. (you have to, there is no other choice)

Ryan the day you were born is a day I will never forget, the day after mother's day (May 10th, 2005. I had been in labour for 16 hours and you fought to stay in my tummy. They decided a c-section was best to bring you into the world. I had waited for this day for my entire life, but when they put you into my arms, I was so scared,( I had waited for you for so long and then I did not want to hold you) at that point in my life I realized I was not just responsible for me but for a new baby boy that needed me so very much to nuture him and take care of him and to give him a chance to grow into a stong little boy and eventually a man. Ryan love is not something that is automatic, it is something that grows with time, you and I had to get to know each other and learn each others ways, we had a hard time for eight weeks, we both cried all the time.
But I can tell you this my sweet little boy that over the last 3 1/2 years I have fallen in love with you a little bit more every day, your smile, your laugh, your voice, the funny way you grab my face to kiss me, and hug me every day and tell me you love me. We are now closer than I ever thought we could be. It is true what they say, boys are mommy boys...that you will always be.

Ryan, you being sick has truley made me realize the important things in life, love, happiness, you, your daddy, your sisters, ( Kayla and Ally) and the rest of our family. With out that nothing else matter.
I promise you that we will not give up HOPE and that mommy, daddy, Kayla, Ally,and everyone else that loves you, will fight with you every step of the way.
Ryan you have so many people praying for you all over the world, family, friends , and some people who dont know us, but have heard your story.

Get well sweetheart.

Love Mommy,














Love Mommy,
XOXOXOXOX